Emptiness

Williamson_sunset

What’s better to fulfill the heart that a beautiful sunset?

Lancaster gives us sometimes a glorious sunny day in which you feel you want to celebrate, no matter what. And so I did.

I went out and walked under the sun and the nature, letting them nurture me. I’ve been feeling so disconnected and sad lately, but still sunsets make me feel blessed to live here, so I feel grateful for that.

I was going out with two people I know, both of them from completely different backgrounds and situations. We were talking and suddenly both of them started talking about the same things that have been worring me for so many months now.

Emptiness.

Disconnection.

How can this be possible? I thought the fact of not having enough money for living on my own in a foreign country was causing me all this distress. But perhaps it’s something else, if these people who -in many aspects- are in a position that I wished for myslef, keep feeling the same.

I read Pure recently. Andrew Miller is one of my favourite authors. His novel Ingenious Pain was a great inspiration to my writing (in fact, it almost convinced me I didn’t need to write my Gothic Horror novella when he had already touched many of the themes I wanted to address and in a better way!)

Pure tells the story of a young engineer in 18th century France  who goes to Paris to make his fortune. (Like me, going to Lancaster, which is less fashionable but yet…) Once there he’s called in Versailles (no less!) to recieve a very special task… They want him to empty the cementery of Les Innocents, a place in the middle of the town were people had been ‘throwing’ bodies for centuries.

Digging out so much death, carcasses, bones and misery is quiet traumatic. Not talking abot ghosts superstitions and so on.

But sometimes, I guess you have to dig out ‘all your deads’ to breathe pure air again.

Another thing that has been inspiring me lately has been Brené Brown interview in Being Boss. I know I’m always talking about this podcast, but it’s been my running companion since January and I have to say it’s saving my life in these days. It brings me what I need: a boost of inspiration that fills my emptiness.

I loved when she spoke about the Hero’s Journey (the monomyth, Joseph Campbell) and the fact that nobody can skip that dark second act in the journey. To advance, we must go directly to the bottom, where all the shit gathers, and that it is. (Pardon my French, as they say).

Have you read more books about emptiness and disconnection? Sometimes there is nothing that explore ‘the whole’ instead of pretending that is not there, and literature is a safe tool that also allows reflection…

I can think of some:

Sputnik My Love, by Haruki Murakami: A young aspiring writer (Sumire) looking for inspiration and fighting against her unrequited love for an older woman.

1984, by George Orwell. This book doesn’t need an introduction. It gave me a depression when I was just 14…

Persepolis, by Majarne Satrapi. About being an immigrant… the bright and dark sides.

Blindness, by José Saramago. A book everyone should read because it’s simply brilliant. Imagine a future in which everyone goes blind but just one woman? I could also be read as a metaphor of how disconnected we are from each other in this society.

Journey.  A videogame you should play when you’re feeling sad and disconnected, as it was precisely created to combat feelings like that. As a person who normally doesn’t like videogames (I’ve terrible coordination skills that are necessary in most of them) this one has been fascinating me for almost a year.

Can you think about more? Have you ever felt empty? How do you nurture your soul?

 

 

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