I’m always rushing from the next thing to the other. There never seem to be enough time to read all books, to have all experiences, to write all the stories, to take part in all the projects, to meet all the people.
I find it so difficult to just sit down and relax. My brain is buzzing. Even when I run or walk (which is my main alone time) I listen to podcasts, audiobooks… Silence is boring. I’m not especially happy to admit this as I do think silence may have its positive outcomes – I guess I just have to stop running away from them.
This year I tried journaling as a form of reflection… I came accross Dolly Garland, an expert on journaling, at NAWE ,and she convinced me to pick up my (forgotten) diary again. However, I realised that writing first thing in the morning – yes, those famous pages that Julia Cameron advise artists to do – was making me feel even more anxious. I used the paper to ramble about my fears and all the things that make me nervous or insecure – and, somehow, the writing made them all bigger.
So, I stopped.
Doodling is better. It is creative but I have no as many expectations. It’s just play.