Dear PhD friends,
You know that feeling when you have SO many things to do that you don’t dare to come out from bed? SO many things that you actually freeze, montionless, for hours, even days?
Nothing new here, just the same old deal: funding applications, reading, current temporary part-time job, looking for the next part-time job becuause we don’t feed on air, academic conferences, research, the uncertain (financial) future, the fact that it seems impossible to be on top of everything whilst still enjoying some social life.
And also: what is the purpose of life? Is there any purpose at all, though, or are we condemned to be free, as Sartre once said?
You know, PhD it’s a funny thing, because you spend so much time trapped in your own head. Ideas come and go, and sometimes there is a spark, but generally it’s only that lonely, monotonous voice whispering: ‘You’re not worth it. You’re a fraud‘.
I’ve been seriously wondering lately if my love for the academic life is related to some masochistic tendencies. Friends, I think I like pain. And I’m not sure I like that about myself.
It’s hard. That’s why I need you. That’s why is so good to have you close because you understand what it is I’m going through. You feel the burden or you have felt it before. It’s the price of accepting we know nothing, that the possibilities are endless, that nothing can be fully understood. There are corners, and shadows, and our research is just a tiny speck of dust in the vaste universe. (Actually, this is quite a comforting thought).
In any case, I’m grateful for having you around.
I’m also grateful I’m understading now that there is no TRUTH. Because that means I will remain curious and I won’t be fooled.
Also, I’m understanding I’m my worst enemy. Funny, how we run away from things when all it’s already here.
(Also, PhD friends, take a break. A looong one would be ideal. Maybe you can start dancing to amuse those stressed neurons).